Comic Items at the expense of the rich and famous

Taiwan Tea Party?

Fancy a cuppa? Taiwanese people are being told
to drink less tea to pay for a huge arms deal
with the USA costing US$18 billion (S$30.4
billion). The Defense Ministry has put together
a leaflet urging millions of Taiwanese to drink
less of their traditional pearl tea, so they can
put the money towards the military hardware
instead! The pamphlet shows a cartoon boy
holding a giant plastic cup of tea next to photo-
graphs of a submarine, Patriot anti-missile
systems and submarine-hunting aircraft.
"We can buy top-notch equipment to protect
our country (if) everyone drinks one less pearl
milk tea every week," the ministry said. Oppo-
sition parties have vowed to block the defense
budget, saying the money should be spent on
education and welfare.
'It's very sad that we have to use the milk tea
analogy to seek support for the arms purchase,'
Defence Minister Lee JYE told Parliament.
'But we hope to use the simplest terms to tell
people that the arms budget is not too big,' he
added. Try telling that to the 26% of Taiwanese who live below the poverty line.

From Schnews, September 24th 2004


After a demonstration against the royal jubilee in
2002, members of M'AM (Movement Against the Monarchy) retired to a local hostelry for a
well-earned drink. While on their second pint, riot cops surrounded the pub, preventing anybody leaving. When more reinforcements arrived, the coppers nicked all 23 protesters inside for
breach of the peace and then commandeered a No 11 bus to take the anti-monarchists on a 2 1/2
hour tour of different police stations across Lon-
don. They were all released without charge 7 hours later, and so, decided to sue the cops. This
week, the M'AM demonstrators may just decide to buy their own bus- after winning £3500 each in compensation for their right royal time.

For supplying drugs

That's not a crap arrest of the week we hear you shout! But this one is the crappiest of crap arrests. 15-yr-old Brandon Kivi, a pupil at Caney Creek High School, Texas, was questioned by
the cops after his school reported him for... lending his girlfriend his asthma inhaler when she was having an attack!!
Although both pupils use the same type of inhaler, the school reckoned this was supplying drugs and therefore a violation of its zero-tolerance anti-drug policy. No charges were brought, but the school still expelled Kivi, who, along with his girlfriend, will be home educated from now on.

Gun lessons in school

PRINCE PHILIP and his gun-toting chums have landed in hot water after they terrified schoolchildren during a shooting party at the Queen's Sandringham estate in Norfolk.

The children at the St George's Middle School were out at playtime in the school yard which adjoins the royal estate. They were left in tears when suddenly guns started going off and pheasants started tumbling from the sky.

Around 15 of the distressed schoolchildren fired off a letter to the queen and Prince Philip. One 10 year old girl wrote, "What have pheasants ever done to us?" Another said, "We are disgusted that hunters went out shooting wildlife in front of our eyes at playtime. Lots of us were extremely upset."

Headteacher Carol de Witt also joined the protests. "The children were obviously upset and we had some in tears. I also had concerns about the children's safety because there were guns in close proximity to the school," she said.

A royal spokesman merely said, "Shooting is a private thing and we do not normally talk about it."


Who Said ..?

"I could count the politicians I have met who are worthy of respect on one hand."
TERRY WOGAN, in Women's Weekly

"A savage attack on the political establishment that would do credit to the Socialist Worker."THE SUNDAY TIMES, on Wogan's insights


Sir - much has been written on the subject of the talking film; there is very little likelihood of any such startling innovation. The public would
not want it, the difficulties of training whole casts of actors whose vocal abilities were not commensurate with their facial gifts would prevent it.
But there is a real demand for audible film: News of the Day - public men making speeches will be seen and heard and personalities enhanced. Dramatic effects will be heightened by the production of 'noises' such as storms.
Music Hall and revue sketches or 'star' turns will offer welcome interludes between the silent film plays and incidental music become an integral part
of film production and not be left to the mercy of the local cinema orchestra - N. Sandeman, House of Commons.


Corrections and clarifications

In our interview with Sir Jack Hayward, the chairman of Wolverhampton Wanderers, page 20, Sport, yesterday, we mistakenly attributed to him the following comment: "Our team was the worst in the First Division and I'm sure it'll be the worst in the Premier League." Sir Jack had just declined the offer of a hot drink. What he actually said was "Our tea was the worst in the First Division and I'm sure it'll be the worst in the Premier League." Profuse apologies. - Tuesday August 12, 2003 The Guardian

Crap ejection of the week

A passenger was ejected from a BA flight for wearing a "Suspected Terrorist" badge! His partner was chucked off too for being 'associated' with him. John Gilmore was asked to remove his badge but refused, saying it was a political statement. The captain claimed that this was a federal crime and the couple were chucked off. They were met by a BA official who said that passengers and crew were nervous about terrorism and that talk of it bothers them. Asked whether he would be allowed to fly if he wore other badges, such as "Hooray for Tony Blair", the official reckoned that that would be ok.
Full story at

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