Wanna hear ’bout the latest releases?
And why Bottichelli milked a dove to encapsulate the essence of lime pearls that resurrect after their time living in sea shells- into the silver-skinned lady of the wax-lacquered North- this all being the diagram made by Peter Foetus-Impotence who one day will craft our commodities into the sexed-up Disney tweens your kids are turning into…. Sprite
You're in for a stabbing blud.

Weezer- Raditude

Since untucking their high-waisted trousers and discarding the greasy mop-top thick rimmed-glasses look; Weezer then became a standard TV show/generousmediacoverage pop band.
With Raditude their bulbous-eyed, vulnerable pop-songs are still graceful in the most awkward fashion; but with an overcoat of mundane pop-boredom. Each chorus boasts a typical sweet ol’ Weezer hook, as daisy as a coca cola advert, but with the memorable tongue-’n‘-cheek style taken out; resorting instead to bland pre-packaged pop-rock. “I’m Your Daddy”’s kooky playfulness is somewhat more a country karaoke-backing track, rather like a bad hoe-down, with the poppy-grunge they once mastered gone.

Each number is cutely titled like American Teen Flicks:
“The Girl Got Hot, In The Mall, Can‘t Stop Partying” - probably from a hard bumming from record executives.

Tight-sounding mid-tempo pop-songs with a cute-quality withering away into expressionless tunes with nothing in particular of any stand-out quality…….

Maybe the high-waisted trousers
3/10

www.weezer.com

Detachments- Circles/ H.A.L

In the endless recycling of sounds and re-used melodies, some bands decide that instead of progressing to the edge of a hideously ambiguous fall, downplaying the overall effect and stripping songs bare of their coating to reveal the husky-London lads behind, is the way to go for a Factory-records style retention in disposable music.

Detachments are the Doc Martin-to the face of those frail squires that pounce around making ‘electronic samba’ bollocks
*cough-friendly fires-*.

As good as both ‘Circles’ and ‘Heard A Lie’ are, there’s no denying that the Topshop management teams around the UK will paw their grubby mitts all over it (playing it on the shop-floors): so that your relation to this band will be identifying (quite strikingly original music) with middle-of-the-road fashion.

Plucking the truffles out the fungi and nabbing the knives off young teens, Detachments are however fucking excellent, and make sure you fucking listen to them.
7/10

www.myspace.com/detachments

Eliza Doolittle- Self-Titled E.P

These last couple o’ years have certainly been the years of female-dominated pop, in all its colourful forms, Human-League-synth-twiddling, electro-folk, twee indie, microcosm-drumsample-built-pop and it goes on……

Eliza Doolittle has that Advert-friendly cuteness; that walks on by with Enid Blyton radiance and a mini-French swagger as sexual as popcorn. It all however becomes just a wee bit dull.

As the bob-along friendly plonkety plonk to dear Eliza’s handbag tunes are but a hungry termite in peach juice, sloppy and porous, but nevertheless do provide some catchy hooks- a fishing rod for cheery goldfish.
6/10

www.myspace.com/elizadoolittlemusic

The Plasticinses- Barcelona

Iggy-Pop preferences aside, one struggles to see how this is in anyway different to Girls Aloud. (not that Girls Aloud are bad, love those girls…)

It's slightly sexist in the patronising way that this band are branded around as their niche being that fact they're an ‘all-girl rock group’; as if that girl rock groups are only capable of making a sort of ‘candy-rock’, the genre brushed aside for skimpy-dressed girls to sweep up with childish loveliness (therefore needing the term ‘all-girl group’ to be an oh so significant factor, leave all the butch atmospheric music with balls to the LADS!) And as if an all-girl rock group is oh so original, (probably due to the lack of mainstream successes) so therefore NEEDS to be mentioned so we can be straight about the group's identity………. it’s a wee bit infuriating.

Ahoy Rodger, got any meaningful music?
- AYE we got ‘Cat Power’
- Fuck that Rodger ain’t she in a group? Find me something female-sounding!
AYE yes I’ll search the drawers: ‘Tegan and Sara’?
-Lesbians EW NO what we need is tacky photo-shop music with a kitch element, THAT’LL represent the female sexuality as a whole.

May ave gone a wee bit overboard with the sarcasm there.

“a funky hunky-dory sweet ol’ silly orgy”
Fun fun fun

4/10 (btw the remixes are better than the single)

http://www.myspace.com/plastiscine

Alice In Chains- Your Decision

Outdated is a bad word.

But when the loveable honeys that swam with the grunge-scene in the era I didn’t live in (I’m a cheeky fuck) re-brand a badly packaged song-of-old with some modern-day tweaking but the same chord-progressions and a solo which is TOO much like every other one used in their heyday, the yawns start to form a sort of choir. Maybe others will not latch on to the SIMILARITY as easily, as I used to listen to ‘Alice In Chains’ an unhealthy amount- but the song remains the same.Dullness aside, Alice In Chains certainly haven’t become embarrassing- ‘Your Decision’ is still a humble pie with a hook that’s warm and sing-along, not too stadium-rock but delay-pedals a plenty, still however- a re-release of creativity…. but for now lets down-play the hype. 5/10

www.aliceinchains.com

Cymbals Eat Guitars- Why There Are Mountains

Whether the name is a glorious representative prance of the mundane surreal obscurities that their music is drenched in, or an expressive howl of creative freedom to puzzle the average-joe or create pre-conceived ideas about the music, or just well……shit. Who knows?

But ‘Why There Are Mountains’ boasts psychedelic fun and sunshine-drenched tunes like a ramshackle of Clor, Passion Pit and Flaming Lips in a sizzling soap pot.

Each song is wild and unstructured with moderate-insanity in the flavoursome hooks of freak-folk (the sorta music that’s making its way to the mainstream….kinda). It’s hard to put a finger on what they do, but it is however an entrancing listen that signifies a return to more underground bands doing interesting things.

8/10

www.myspace.com/cymbalseatguitars

Light Of Words- Those Left Behind

Its too easy to say a new release that’s striking and bold in its originality is the “Best new thing this year” or other such hyperbolic phrases, but when a low-key mellow set of songs are so visceral and epic in the most subtle way, the fragments of over-the-top writing need to be considered for revising.

“Those Left Behind” leaves the first-impressions from skeletal-dark artwork by the pavement like road kill, as the moody soul and exotic acoustic-grooves are so delicious that its surprising that Light Of Words haven’t made my ear-drums turn to caramel. Fuck Editors, ‘Light Of Words’ are as warm and luscious as the ports in Hull. Like a luke-warm funked up ‘Mumford And Sons’ emulating a husky-whisper like the XX, but reverberating like echoes in a farm shed built on the moon. This is yet more lethargic music with the same euphoric British seaside manner as some of the best most depressing English bands.

Light Of Words are the hairy foetus of an epic mountain bear waiting to claw and rip the lunar breeze of dull-midtone-folk sweeping its way into the mainstream.

Y’all wanna single- say fuck that
9/10

www.myspace.com/lightofwords

We Fell To Earth

‘We Fell To Earth’ play very groove-based psychedelic music, their debut flows like a soundtrack to some warped tribal film, much like the ambient music of Aphex Twin and the drum-spasm trickery of UNKLE (who he himself is in We Fell To Earth); especially “Spin This Town“ and the gorgeous “Sovereign“. In the first single “Deaf” WFTE do a wonderful thing with the layers in which each sound rises like smoke overlapping the other and gradually hypnotises the listener into a modern trance with Kate Bush esq. howling. There are no clear hooks to these tracks just detached, flailing slaps from ropes of electronic beams.The albums that have emerged in these years of economic woe have been very experimental and passionate; with music scenes of old re-emerging (the shoe gaze of Big Pink, psychedelic folk of Grizzly Bear), We Fell To Earth are yet another.

A wonderful album.
9/10

www.myspace.com/wefelltoearth

Elliot Minor - Solaris

Why should we be the witness to this flaccid masquerade of false-pretences and earnest lyrics?

(to excuse my laziness for this review, look at my review for the single Solaris as I think with Elliot Minor that would sum up the whole album)

www.boringpasttheirbedtimesmugcunts.org