You Can Fucking Drive
In which Glor(i)a, Peter O'Neasden and Rosey gathered in the R*E*P*E*A*T gulag to cautiously peruse…

The Firm (demo) www.myspace.com/thefirmband
This lot used to be Sub-Culture before tiring of an original name, they plumped for one that had been well tried - if not necessarily trusted. Fittingly, they now sound like a half hearted cross between the Smiths and Magazine, without Morrissey's pathos or Devoto's hateur. Nothing offensive about it, but in an era of inoffensive blandness, why add to the pile?
"If you don't want to know life's dismal results, then look away now".
Following this advice, we stopped listening.

The Brownies : Means to an End (Nr One Records) www.myspace.com/thebrownies
It doesn't matter that their single is lovely blue vinyl or that they're on the trendy (in the NME's eyes) Nr One Records, the line in their press release "Brownies are '4-Real' carved into every arm" disqualifies them from any further comment.

Ceramic Hobs : Al Al Who www.batcow.co.uk/pumf/hobs.htm

Inventive gravel throated punk with a top sense of humour, fantastic sampling and brilliant song titles including "You Can Stick the War Of Terror Up Your Arse", "Bog Wash", "All Psychiatrists are Bastards" and "Puerto Rican Sex Chant". A spirited punky racket that will make you smile and which wears its idiosyncrasies on its sleeve.

Grammatics : Shadow Committee (Dance to the Radio)
If just having a cello is enough to warrant comparisons to Arcade Fire, then chamber orchestras up and down the country must be getting really pissed off. But this does boast a cello solo or two, and there's a glockenspiel. Lots of vaguely good ideas and interesting components which aren't really held together by the preening of the singer. In fact there's 15 seconds when it's really, really good - until the vocals come back in. A bit like a slightly less repulsive JJ72, at times.

Day One : Probably Art
"Urban storytellers" with unfulfilled aspirations to grooviness, this album alternates between sounding like the Streets with table manners and Stereo MCs auditioning for the O.C. sound track.

Dirtblonde : White Noise, Rubber Heart / The Leatherettes : Jet Black and Bleached (Filthy Little Angels)

This is a split album which is a cunning marketing device Repeat Records may well copy very soon. Dirtblonde definitely want to be loud, which is a noble aim indeed. The Raveonettes without the huge record company investment or The Kills without a trip to a fashion show. Live they can be brilliant with minutes of feedback, broken bass strings and incoherent, chaotic yelling; on CD they're very 1980s underground punk. They've definitely heard a Patti Smith record; 6 letters, starting with H…

The Leatherettes are another boy/girl duo. Garagey guitars and cheap drum machines, sounding like the Shop Assistants might have if they'd got as far as ripping off 'Automatic'. We suspect that the recording may have done them an injustice as their tracks lack the impact of Dirtblonde; however they make a lot of effort to sound like they don't care. They probably own lots of great records and would dearly like to sound like them.

The paradox on this album is that The Leatherettes have got more and possibly better ideas whereas Dirtblonde are more limited - but also sound more fun.

Athlete : Tokyo
"I am Tokyo" Never trust anyone claiming to be a city unless they've done shit loads of acid first. Not that we'd accuse Athlete of that, being conscientious clean living Christian types. More passively anthemic fodder with occasional interludes, sounding like Keane doing 'First Big Weekend'.

Short Term Diary /afighttoremember (Dead Ship Records)
This split seven inch vinyl features some very good titles: Short Term Diary contribute 'Give Quiche a Chance' while afighttoremember bestow upon us 'Gloria If You Know The Way Then You Can Fucking Drive'. Seeing as they're both singer song-writery types, we feared that their actual music wouldn't live up to the titles. So we didn't bother listening. A terrible dereliction of duty [but the professionals do it - see here - Ed] but then we do work so hard.

Redneck Renegade: Running Out (Fat Northerner Records) Comparing yourself to The Teardrop Explodes is a gauntlet that has to be picked up. They may not be lying, but they do appear to be exaggerating. They've got the old drummer from Embrace, and that explains a lot. They may have grasped some elements of the 60s influenced Teardrop pop, but they've airbrushed these so completely that they now sound like absolutely nothing.

Quadriga : Demo (www.myspace.com/quadrigauk)
Tinny punky whimsy with a sense of humour - lead track is called "Sell your face on E-Bay". Be warned, when you look at their myspace this song seems to be stuck on your computer forever, even when you turn the computer off. They quote ringtones as an influence, which is apt as it sounds like it was recorded down a phone. They know how to write a poppy punk song, even though someone else may have written it first.

Babyshambles :Shotters Nation (Parlophone)
There's one arse on the cover, and another on the CD. Songs about smack, Kate Moss and lacrosse.

Johnny Foreigner : Arcs Across the City (Best Before)
The next big thing. Apparently. According to our friends in the biz. And we almost like it too, but there's something not quite right about this recording; the way it's produced eliminates any idiosyncrasies and individuality by turning everything up to eleven, trying to substitute force for character. The contrasting male and female vocals, which could be one of the band's highpoints, is undermined by constant studio tossery. Despite this we have the suspicion there's a really good band in here trying to get out. http://www.myspace.com/johnnyforeigner

The Random : Tonight (Nede Records, www.myspace.com/therandomrocks) They talk about big songs and big choruses, and the singer desperately wants to be Liam Gallagher. Upbeat guitar rock by numbers.

Trash these reviews on our message boards here