Hannah's Reading Awards 2003

Several people told me to write reviews of all the bands I saw at Reading and I stupidly agreed. Quickly realising that as I was planning on seeing on average seven or eight bands a day, most of which I knew next to nothing about, this was asking a bit much, I ditched the review thing and came up with this: the Reading Awards. Read on...

Best New Band

The new Dawn Parade! Sparkly glam beautiful rock'n'roll played with humour and energy, a great start to Saturday and deserving of better than second band on the Radio 1 Stage

Best Boyband
Good Charlotte

Tattoos and guitars do not make you punk

Most Disappointing Performance
Hundred Reasons

Great last year, now tuneless and tedious and loved by fat ugly blokes whose idea of a good time is to crush people to death while stamping on their feet and shouting drunkenly in their ears

Best Led Zeppelin Impersonation
My Morning Jacket

Cool dreamy floaty rock that makes you want to be sitting in a field in summer smoking something interesting, unfortunately I only managed the first two categories

The Garage Rock Isn't All Shit Award
The Blueskins

Energetic bluesy garage rock that makes you want to dance, The Blueskins sound like the band The Strokes would be if they had any talent and listened to some real music instead of just crap Ramones songs

The Babylon Zoo Award For One-Hit Wonders
Alien Ant Farm

Their one good song was stolen from Michael Jackson. Enough said.

Most Beautiful Acoustic Set In The History Of The World

Staind also receive a special mention for effortlessly pissing off a field full of metal fans

The Gary Numan Award for Synthesiser Use
The Cooper Temple Clause

How To Plug The New Album 101

Seem to have forgotten their first two albums exist

The Axl Rose Award For Not Giving A Shit
Courtney Love

She had 'recording obligations' apparently

The Johnny Rotten Award For Mixing Music With Politics And Generally Being Earthshatteringly Brilliant

The Token Female Musicians Award
The Applicators

The Cheese Strings Award For Beautiful Inspired Corniness
The Polyphonic Spree

Forget that shitty Glasto performance and go and see them live RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

Band Most Deserving Of Being Annihilated In A Freak Earthquake, Preferably Taking All Their Fans With Them
Blink 182

Don't even get me started...

The Holy Bible Award For The Most Obsessive Fanbase

The Six Feet Under Award For Making Joe Strummer Spin In His Grave
Sum 41

See Good Charlotte, above

Best Beautiful Shimmery Dancey Summery Perfect Festival Sunday Afternoon Rock'n'Roll Happiness Music
Primal Scream

Most Supposedly Intelligent And Political
System Of A Down

Apparently they're really clever and want to educate their fans about globalisation and world injustice. Some mention of anything vaguely connected with politics would have been nice then, but instead we got some asinine comments about how much British people drink.

The Spinal Tap Cheesy 80's Leather-Trousered Metal Award For Being The Band That All The Other Bands At The Festival Want To Be When They Grow Up

They don't just set off pyros, they do FIREWORKS. And TWO encores. Napster? Who gives a fuck?