'bungler' and newly clever London lad about town and general dedicated
follower of fashion Fred, took exception to our lovely piece on what
is so gosh-darned wunnerful about this sceptered isle of ours. Here
is the piece in question followed by Mr. Fred's considered response.
Can YOU spot the obvious mistake? The answer's at the end.
I'm sure you've been following with avid interest the BBC's attempt
to impose 'league table culture' on the history of our proud nation.
'Great?' they ask, 'Do you mean great in the way that Lady Diana Spencer
was great?' 'No!' we say. 'I mean great in the way that it would be
great to take the producer responsible for these fantastically irritating
trailers and break all his limbs, before forcing him to watch his own
work on an endless loop for all eternity.'
Anyway, I can't help feeling that the BBC's list of Great Britons is,
as well as being pointless, both overly conservative and a bit suspicious.
Do they seriously expect us to believe that anyone still knows who Isambard
Kingdom Brunel was, let alone that people feel strongly enough to vote
an engineer one of the ten greatest historical figures this country
has produced? Can they really muster any sort of argument to defend
the idea that Lady Di is more than just a dim, dead Sloane Ranger? And
where are the true greats, the people who made this nation what it is
today -- people of the calibre of Mick Hucknall and Matthew Kelly?
Perhaps the greatest omission of them all is, of course, TV Smith, original
punk, leader of the Adverts and all-round good egg. He wrote 'Gary Gilmore's
Eyes'; he wore biker jackets; he's dead cool even today. And yet he's
still playing venues like the back room at the Portland Arms, with people
like me in support. If only this nation
would get behind its true heroes, he would be where he belongs and Robbie
Williams would be kipping in the back of the van to save the
cost of a B&B.
You can make a start by coming along on Monday. It's only four quid
to get in, TV Smith really is one of the most powerful and engaging
solo performers you'll ever see, and for early comers there are rumours
of a last-minute additional support slot from the very talented Odette
So that's Monday 11th November, the Portland Arms on Mitcham's Corner,
plus Sam Inglis
and possibly Odette Michell
See you then, if you care about Justice and Truth and all things Right.
And now…the reply…
What an outrageous claim to make, one which just illustrates your
flagrant ignorance and probably that of your entire band (I think he
means VS, not
realising Sam wrote this; I doubt he means The Babysitters!-ed) If you
pruport that Mick Hucknal could have designed iron steamships and bridges
and helped revolutionise technology in Victorian England, thus boosting
the economy following the 1870's slump, then you have missed the point
completly. The greatest britons was an attempt to look at the people
who have helped to shape the country you and I live. I will admit that
seeing princess Di there is attrocious as she is nothing more than an
institutinalised prostitute. Yet as for the nine others in that list
all of them had a collosal effect on the world in which we live, none
of the rubbish you have written about above is in the same scale of
Charles Darwin or Horatio Nelson, the origon of the specis and trafalger
are more important than loud guitar music. If you think that the public
are ignorant than continue to do so, beacuse obviously you are an allmighty
monument to stupidity.
Get out of the Portland and realsie how the world actualy works.
(This piece is sic. Really, really sic.)
The answer to the question we asked you earlier on in the program, what
was the obvious mistake, was of course, Fred himself. Did YOU spot it?